➵ she walks in starlight (igrab) wrote in grabi_hands,
➵ she walks in starlight
igrab
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For Our Past [Spock/Kirk, Sarek/Amanda, PG]

Title: For Our Past
Author: igrab
Pairing: Spock/Kirk, Sarek/Amanda
Written For: st_xi_kink, for this prompt
Rating: PG
Word Count: 936
Summary: Spock finds out that his conception was not what he assumed.


Spock doesn't show the shock in his face, or his hands, or even in his eyes. He's being very Vulcan about this, calm and courteous and logical. He sips his tea, from Vulcan cups that do not have handles, and listens.

Jim Kirk knows there's much more to it than that.

They've been lovers for a long time, now. A long time in Kirk standards, and he never thought he'd ever go willingly into a monogamous relationship, but Spock promised to keep things interesting, and he hasn't broken that promise yet. Kirk's pretty sure that even if it wasn't, he would still be here, sitting as neatly as he can at Spock's dad's house, listening to them speak logically about subjects that would have torn human families apart.

The Enterprise came to New Vulcan with questions about Sybok; Kirk and Spock came to New Vulcan with questions about marriage rituals. In the midst of conversation about both subjects, Sarek had let loose a piece of information that had surprised Kirk, even - and he knew that it affected Spock, whether he chose to show it or not.

Spock had been an accident.

It was a general assumption - McCoy and Kirk had a long debate about this, when Kirk hadn't been able to sleep because he was thinking too much - that half-breed children of biologically dissimilar races were created in labs, at the direction of the parents. It was a common enough phenomenon on Earth. Cross-species relationships was a hot topic in the political debates, and many people believed that if you had to resort to a laboratory to make it work, you shouldn't even try in the first place. Naturally, there was much dissent.

So when Sarek had (with a tone of voice that Kirk almost thought was pleased, if he didn't know better) told them that Spock was an accident, Kirk's eyebrows shot way up on his forehead.

"Hang on, an accident? You didn't plan on having kids?"

Sarek raised an eyebrow. "It would have been foolish to hold out hope for a child, with the probability being so low for a safe pregnancy. In fact, Amanda kept the information from me for a surprising amount of time, believing that I would not approve. It was highly likely that, should she continue carrying the child, she would forfeit her own life."

Kirk could feel Spock's leg shaking, now, and he slid a hand over to squeeze his thigh in a comforting manner. He didn't expect the hand under the table to grip his so tightly, but neither of their expressions changed, and Jim offered every ounce of silent comfort that he could.

"But she lived. And Spock lived."

"Yes," Sarek murmured, nodding. "It was... as humans say...a miracle." He seemed to notice Spock then, and notice that he was having some difficulties controlling himself. "...Spock? Is there something wrong?"

Spock swallowed, then spoke in a neat Vulcan voice that nevertheless was a clear indicator of how worked up he was. It had been a long time since Kirk couldn't hear emotion in his voice. "Not precisely. I merely confess to some... distress, upon hearing this news." It was a good thing Kirk was used to a tight grip, his fingers felt numb. "It was not what I had always assumed."

Sarek's eyebrows went up, and he looked, within the constraints of Vulcan expressions, surprised. "You assumed we petitioned to have you created?"

It sounded much more clinical when put like that, but Spock nodded stiffly, if a bit green around the ears. "It did not occur to me that I was... unplanned."

"Unplanned, yeah, but not unwanted," Kirk suddenly cut in, as he finally caught on to the reason why Spock was feeling so hurt about this. "Look, just because they didn't go out of their way to make sure they had a kid, doesn't mean they didn't want you - I mean, think about it. Your mom could have died giving birth to you, but she stuck it out. Your dad could've told her it was too dangerous, but he didn't. Look at him!" Kirk pointed with his free hand, which was impolite in Vulcan culture, but Sarek was very used to human expression, and he was getting used to Kirk's particular form of it. "Your dad is amazing. Your mom probably went through a hell of a lot of pain and they probably had Vulcan doctors breathing down their necks ever five seconds and everyone from the High Command to the milkman telling them that it wasn't going to work, but he held on and told them to gtfo because he wanted to keep you. He didn't just want a son, we all know what happened there, but he wanted you."

Spock was staring at him with wide eyes, and for the first time in his life, Kirk thought he might cry. He'd never seen Spock cry, and he'd always wondered if he'd inherited the Vulcan lack of tear ducts or not. The way he looked now, dark eyes all shiny and quivering, he probably hadn't. "I didn't..."

It was Sarek who spoke now, and extended a hand to Spock's face. "Spock. I would like to show you something."

He fell into a mind meld, and without thought, brought Kirk with him. It was something he wanted his lover to see.

[directly followed by For Our Future]
Tags: fandom: star trek, fanfiction, pairing: kirk/spock, pairing: sarek/amanda, rating: pg
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