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23 December 2010 @ 03:58 am
Only One Leads to You ☵ Percy/Nico  
title. Only One Leads to You
pairing. Percy/Nico, references to a whole bunch of Percy/other possibilities.
fandom. PJO
wordcount. 965
notes. no tlh spoilers. title is from vast's 'three doors', though there are more doors than that involved.

Behind Door Number One is the boy who could have been perfect.

You loved him because he protected you badly, and you loved him because he needed you in a terrible, desperate way, and he tried so hard to be the same for you. He was your best friend and you loved him. But he drifted away on the wind, and you think you wish he cared enough to stay - but you know, too, that it's a two-way street and you let him go. The worst part is how you wonder if, just maybe, he was thinking the same thing, wishing the same wish. But he's gone, now. You'll never know. You move on.

Behind Door Number Two is the girl you wish you could have loved.

There were times when you caught yourself thinking it, that she could be yours and vice versa. But when it happened, it all went wrong somehow, and all the things you admired in her got twisted and you always knew she was selfish, but you thought you liked that about her. You thought you could help her, you thought you could be everything she wanted. But then you realized, she doesn't know what she wants. She won't let anyone help her. She won't let you in. She needs something but you can't seem to give it to her, no matter how hard you try. You move on.

Behind Door Number Three is the girl who made it easy.

She is wonderful in that quiet, understated way, and you remember how it felt to be with her - simple, free, and calm, like palm fronds swaying in a gentle ocean breeze. You know you could have stayed with her forever, gladly. She was so easy to be with. She was so easy to love. But she shook her head and sent you on your way, saying "The best things in life are never easy." You move on.

Behind Door Number Four is the boy you hated loving.

We all have one of those. He made you feel sick, because you trusted him and he used you, but the worst was knowing he still could. You didn't want to believe he could be saved. You didn't want to believe he could change, because that meant you could love him again. But the truth is - you never stopped, did you? And you can't help but wonder, if you'd made your move sooner, if it would have made a difference. But he's gone now. For good. The door is closed. You move on.

Behind Door Number Five is the girl that got away, but not too far.

This is the girl that burns into your brain like white-hot bleached sunlight, who soaked you with the color red. She came into your life and you fell for her like a force of gravity, because she was on fire, she sparkled, she outpaced and outsmarted and outloved you. She overflowed and you weren't enough for her and she'd already known that, right from the start. But she tried anyway. Because she loved you more. And you'll keep her as close as you dare, because you can't live without her and can't live for her, because the thought of her needing you is laughable.

Need. You've forgotten about need. You remember the boy who could have been perfect and your heart hurts, because it's terrible, how you miss the way he needed you. But you keep on loving these people who are bigger than you, full of grander notions and higher natures, and you don't know where this hallway is supposed to lead. You move on.

Behind Door Number Six is the boy you love.

You realize you've met him before. You met him back between doors number two and three, while you were still looking back at door one and trying to understand door two and before door three made you forget everything. He was nothing but a bystander in the hallway that you passed by, unthinking, but now you see it from the bystander's perspective, and the shadow you cast as you walk through the hall is immense. It swallows him up and you're all he knows, for him there is no doors, there is a hallway, with a girl at one end and you at the other and the girl is long gone now. You are all he has. He followed you here, he made his door and opened it in your face to make sure you got the message. He tracked you down. He won't let you leave until you hear him out. He needs you.

And you think of door number one and how he needed you because he was pathetic, about door number two and how she wanted to need you but really needed to know herself instead. You think about three and five, and how they both seemed to know this day would come. You think about door four and the road not taken. You think about him.

He latches into your mind like a dark-hued afterimage or open-eyed phosphenes. His darkness is radiant, you drink it in, but he doesn't overflow - just gives and gives and it never ends. He feeds you, and he needs you, and you shut the door on his hallway and turn it into a little black box room of your own devising. You love him. You realize that now, and whether you loved him all this time is irrelevant, because the past is in the hallway behind those doors and you're here now. The door is locked. You're home.
>ESSA<baterina_1234 on December 23rd, 2010 09:52 am (UTC)
Awww. That was so... amazing. It was poetic, in a way. I didn't understand sometimes, and the people behind the first five doors could actually be taken as each other, and the only one I really know is number 4. Wanna help? =))

Anyway, this was great. I love the way you view Percy's past relationships and the way you put a name to it with just one sentence. I love how Nico is just... different. How he's the one who didn't have a door, but made one. How Percy didn't find him, but how Nico... followed him. It just meant so much. The way you portray Percy's life--Nico's life--is amazing.

I love how when Percy met Nico, the aren't any more doors to choose from, because the door where he came in is locked, but he doesn't really care because he's with Nico. I loved this. :)
➵ she walks in starlightigrab on December 28th, 2010 05:39 am (UTC)
:))) nope, you have to figure it out. give you a hint - they are generally in chronological order!

thank you and i'm glad you liked it, though! :D
Maxwell Arcturus: stock;; electroniheartcitiesfalling on December 23rd, 2010 11:28 pm (UTC)
Oh my gods, this is amazing. I love it when you do introspection. It just comes out so so so amazing.
freed_wingsfreed_wings on December 28th, 2010 12:54 am (UTC)
This was really fantastic- I love the format, and the way the writing feels. Lovely.
venacavaa on December 28th, 2010 04:40 am (UTC)
This is such a masterpiece. I love how you play off of the concept of need and how it factors into each relationship and decision, like you mentioned with Percy/Annabeth and how she doesn't really need him. I love how this turned out and the feeling of it.

And it's instilled in me a determination to figure out who each door is because some of them are tripping me up. :P
➵ she walks in starlight: pjo / persexy; drrr what?igrab on December 28th, 2010 04:45 am (UTC)
:D :D :D :D which ones?
(Anonymous) on December 28th, 2010 07:12 am (UTC)
is it Grover, Rachel, Calypso, Luke, Annabeth, Nico?
➵ she walks in starlight: pj / NICO APPROVEDigrab on December 28th, 2010 07:26 am (UTC)
Close, but not quite. There's just one pair that's switched around.
(Anonymous) on December 28th, 2010 07:34 am (UTC)
oh, your right, Rae and Cal?
➵ she walks in starlight: okami / *SPARKLE* *CHOCOLATE*igrab on December 28th, 2010 07:39 am (UTC)
nnnope, not that!
➵ she walks in starlight: tron / hay bbigrab on December 28th, 2010 07:43 am (UTC)
i'll give you a hint - the name is in the paragraph itself.
(Anonymous) on December 28th, 2010 08:02 am (UTC)
Red? does that make 5 Rae and 2 Ann?
➵ she walks in starlight: pjo / wise girligrab on December 28th, 2010 05:29 pm (UTC)
yep! that's it :)
venacavaa on January 1st, 2011 07:01 am (UTC)
Okay, so, I've ~pondered. And is it Grover, Thalia, Annabeth, Luke, Rachel, and Nico? :D
➵ she walks in starlight: pjo / calypsoigrab on January 2nd, 2011 01:47 am (UTC)
nope, but close. hint: thalia isn't one of them, but calypso is!
ceryni_10ceryni_10 on December 29th, 2010 06:50 pm (UTC)
That was amazing. Like being taken on a journey through reading it! Love this experimental genre you've done :)
Miakaangelicfruicake on January 2nd, 2011 01:44 am (UTC)
That was beautiful.

If not a bit confusing, but I think mostly because I forgot about Calypso. Dang, I need to reread the series.

Anyway, gorgeous and absolutely stunning.
amethystgreyamethystgrey on January 2nd, 2011 09:44 am (UTC)

I love how you don`t explicitly use names, but by your descriptions about their needs and wants, we can tell who they are. Your visuals are lovely, with the hallway and doors and then home. Bravo.
i aim my arrows highaimmyarrowshigh on January 16th, 2011 08:17 am (UTC)
Okay, so I said the other day that I planned to comment all of your Percy/Nico like an obnoxious madwoman, and now I'm going to do it. Apologies to your inbox.

I love this fic for its lack of specificity. The fact that you can make every character clear without naming or physically describing them shows so much talent in writing, respect for the fandom's canon, and your own unmistakable (and absolutely brilliant) fanon.

He latches into your mind like a dark-hued afterimage or open-eyed phosphenes. His darkness is radiant[.]

This is gorgeous. Truly.
i aim my arrows highaimmyarrowshigh on January 16th, 2011 08:20 am (UTC)
Oh, and: Grover, Annabeth, Calypso, Luke, Rachel, Nico. :)
➵ she walks in starlight: pj / NICO APPROVEDigrab on January 16th, 2011 08:22 am (UTC)
SURE IS!!! ♥
➵ she walks in starlight: pjo / dark ocean to the maxxigrab on January 16th, 2011 08:21 am (UTC)

ashjdlkgfds thank you, really, though. some people had trouble telling who was who, actually, and i was like b-but it was obvious.... right? But I guess, it's really however you see it, if other people see it in a different way. As long as Door Number Six is correct. :D
i aim my arrows highaimmyarrowshigh on January 16th, 2011 08:27 am (UTC)
I noticed that in the comments! I was like, "But it's so clear that #2 is Annabeth?"

I think some people are just so determined/used to seeing Annabeth as sort of Percy's "true love/ending" that they were trying to find a way for her to fit later into the chronology.
➵ she walks in starlight: pjo / calypsoigrab on January 16th, 2011 08:30 am (UTC)
Yeah :\ I mean, jeez, I even did the whole 'red' thing and 'as close as you dare'. and the ocean breeze for calypso. OH WHATEVER, I AM JUST GLAD THAT YOU GOT IT.
tallulahfalls on January 25th, 2011 12:07 pm (UTC)
wow, beautiful.
slothy_girlslothy_girl on November 2nd, 2011 10:13 pm (UTC)
heeeeeee awww, this is so awesome :)